Healing

Today is not like any other day. It is an anniversary of different sorts. Today marks 3 years ago that I lost my Angel, my mother, and 1 year since I started healing. They say a mother's love is the greatest gift and I had that gift for 36 years. My mother was the most beautiful soul that ever walked this earth. She was a mother figure to so many, a confidant, and true friend to others. Many of this I did not know until after her passing. The pain that was felt was almost unbearable at times. The guilt I felt because I was the one that had to decide to terminate the life support. I would never wish that moment on my worst enemy. Many sleepless nights because I would replay the day and night word for word in my mind. Thinking what could I have done differently. Then realizing it was not my call it was His. This is why I celebrate a year of healing because it was a near ago that I finally stopped trying to plan how I was going to leave this earth and decided to live again. Depression is a terrible thing to deal with and many times people suffer in silence. Which is what I chose to do. I would smile in public and then go home and crawl in the bed or hide in the bathroom and cry for hours. I often plotted driving off a bridge or just driving until my car stopped somewhere just trying to avoid the pain I was dealing with. And then one day I though about my babies and how they would feel and live without their mother's love. That day I decided to start trying to pull myself back together and get back to who I used to be. I tell this story not for sympathy but as a cautionary tale of what depression can do. I encourage anyone that is dealing with depression to seek help. Talk to whoever will listen and if no one will, write. Start a journal or find other ways to get your feelings out. For me I got back to writing poetry and it has helped tremendously. I am able to express myself without fear of what people might think. There are days that still seem dark and I wonder how I will make it through but I look at my babies and my husband who has been my shoulder and rock and I know that I will be okay. Then God showed me that he is still in the healing business because he then placed me in the company of some beautiful women. These women have very different gifts and many of them have helped heal my soul in many different ways. I would not change or trade any of them for anything in the world. To my Sissies I Love You All and here is to many more years of sisterhood.

J❤st A Thought